October 9, 2002 - Wednesday

Well, as you read this rant, I'm on a flight to China. My father decided it was time to go on a trip. He wanted to take this trip for quite a while but circumstances prevented us from doing so....*COUGH* *COUGH* *MOTHER* *COUGH*. But finally, after coming to America and living here for more than about 30 years we're finally goin' to visit. For me this trip is more like a "going back to see my roots" trip. I did go to China once but only when I was an infant. I'm not sure how I really feel. I'm not really excited but more curious I guess. Being an A.B.C. (American Born Chinese) I never really felt too connected with my culture or heritage though there were some cultural habits and values I did pick up from my parents. However I always felt disconnected. Not being able to speak Cantonese didn't help either. But I still have kewl relatives who don't look down on that. I guess they understand. Many of my aunts and uncles and my grand parents can't speak English or speak it well but they always greet me with open arms. I'm lucky to have that. Even though I can't talk with them they're always happy and proud to see me. Always felt guilty though cause I felt that I never made any effort to go and learn Cantonese. Maybe this trip will help broaden my views. I'm not sure what I'm gonna gain from this trip. Will I even go back? I've always felt distant with my heritage. There were many people who told me that I ought to get in touch with my roots. That I should learn more about my Chinese heritage and learn to speak it. But I figure that if I'm gonna live my life in the US would there be any reason to do so? And saying that does that mean I'm a bad person who doesn't like culture? Sometimes I get that feeling from people when I tell them that I don't have that much pride within my ethinc background or culture. It's not that I hate or despise it but I just lack pride. Actually I fear pride. But that's another rant in itself. So I'm gonna hit Hong Kong first. I'm gonna get as much stuff as I can especially GUNDAM kits. They're really cheap there. I'm also gonna visit my good old college buddy James. He's from Hong Kong, studied in the US and went back to Hong Kong last year and got a job doing digital film restoration, lucky bastard. Maybe I'll try to find a job there. Then my folks and I will hit another part of China, my father's village where he grew up in. Gonna see more relatives and pay respect to ancestors. And I'll take much pictures and post them here at Nekobox. See ya in a few weeks!

[^o0Kynger0o^] - 1:30 AM PDT

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