March 30, 2005 - Wednesday

Ah, childhood memories.....

[^o0Kynger0o^] - 12:00 AM PDT

I love japan. I'm not sure if you've heard me say that a billion times or not... But I do love japan. Long day. Lots of stressful meetings... and jon droped the ball a few times today... but... but... at the end of it all... (jon stressses about his overdue work) jon goes off to the conbini (convenient store) to get himself water and hunt for snacks for tomorrow.... Returns to hotel. Waits for elevator. (being stared at eminantly by random mid-aged japanese guy. jon does not return look. both jon and misc japan guy 1 get into elevator. que elevator music... que misc japan guy 1 continuing to stare at jon. "tokyo wa samui desu ne" (tokyo sure is cool huh?) said by jon. [note, jon still does not return look] Immidiate shock in reaction "OOOOOHHH.. oh ohhh oh.... nihongo shabetta!" (wow... it spoke japanese) said by strange misc japan guy 1 only in japan can one have so much fun without "actually" doing anything. I decided not to say anything else in japanese. For the tokyo being cool comment was truly a phrase one can learn a few months into a japanese level 1 program... I was honestly afraid of breaking this guy's mind with my japanese. (and seriously everyone... my japanese isn't all that great right now) thus... I let him be on the 15th floor... and I continued to the 20th floor to type e-mail and retire for the evening. The next two days are going to be EVEN more busy. third day in Japan (total current inventory japanese goods bought: water x3, manga x1 (air gear... go figure) cdr x 1 (need to burn files) status: not doing so well goal: buy swag over weekend if possible.

[^sukedachi^] - 7:44 AM PDT

side note: I've enterted the matrix. Honest to god I know more now than I have ever fathomed being able to believe... I wonder what it will do to me as a person. only time will truly tell. know this... I will be taking nikkyuu again this year. And I'm gonna kick its ass! as our dear miho sensei would say... are wa Saiyuusen Jikou Yo! (that's my top priorety!) (side note... I'll be back monday morning of next week... if the food doesn't KILL me before hand.) Again, picture older cool boss, younger smooth worker, and random cute girl... all staring at jon while they watch him "try" to eat sashimi. "oishii deshou?" (isn't it good) "Don Don tabete ne" (man you gotta eat it all yo" "nihonshoku ga suki desu ka" (do you like japanese food) (under his voice...) dentouteki my @$$ (traditional food my donkey) I swear I'm gonna have to bust my neck building good will with the people I've met here upon returning home... so if I didn't have a life before... kore kara dou naru deshou ka wakannai

[^sukedachi^] - 7:51 AM PDT

Please refer to previous post about not exploding from stress. Sounds like your having some fun along with the stress. Keep it up man! *shakes forearm and fist in encouraging manner* You know... you sorta see that motion every now and then but it sort of sounds stupid if you write down a description.

[^SEan^] - 11:16 AM PDT

I apologize for the eclectic off-topic. (NM people don't care what I say anymore, and no one comments in my LJ responding to these topics. Maybe Sean and/or Jeff can sympathize with my topic here.) *shivers* Starship Operators (*)(*)(*) is so good. XD Last night I saw eps 7-8 and I thought that it's like Star Trek 2, but with more diverse battles, more strategy, and cute girls. (Sorry, Mr. Shatner... I won't say any more. o.O) Anyways, I recommend it, but I expect people would find it too slow or boring. Then I saw this game. Wow, I wonder if the strategy-thinking could be similar. I tried the demo and damn, I enjoy watching strategy fold out, but I'm not good with creating it. However, it looks really good... like B5. *drool* Space games and stories are rare now. I'm an endangered species for wanting them. ;_;

[^A-sama^] - 12:51 PM PDT

But! Kaledostar's new season is in SPACE O__O Also, I'm bad about not commenting, because if you write something I'd comment on...I usually do it in person. ^_^;

[^Natsuki^] - 1:12 PM PDT

March 31, 2005 - Thursday

Hmmmmm..... People say things suck. Do they say that things suck for the sake of saying things suck and that saying things suck has become hip and trendy or do they really mean it when things suck. Just like people who say they like jazz. Do they really like jazz or are they just saying that. We can have a whole bunch of people who actually hate jazz but still say that they like jazz because a whole lot of other say they like it and maybe those people don't really like it that much. I don't really like jazz. It's spring break for me and I haven't done much except catch up on sleep and bummed around on my computer. I do have drawings to finish for next week and for my portfolio for the trip to the IDSA western division conference in Vancouver, none of which I've started on. I'm gonna just stay up late tonight and maybe forfeit sleep since I have no work tomorrow and no school. Should be relaxing and meditative. Though I should have started it early like last Friday. However my mother has the day off and lucky me I'm on spring break. I get to be chauffuer. So now I ponder if I should stay up late and work on my drawings. Should I risk losing sleep and then taking my mother out tomorrow and risk getting into a car accident falling asleep at the wheel? Shit fuck. If I only wasn't so lazy and just started on those drawings I'd probably be done by now and not have to worry about them much. But then I really needed the veg out time. Heh, I know if I go and take a shower my mother will take a shower and then the hot water will be not so hot. I'll wait for a few moments. Sometimes I come home and there's food on the table waiting. My father usually does that, God bless his heart. But sometimes I just don't want to eat rice, salty fish and cow stomach lining. Sometimes I just feel like eating ramen. Just good old full of preservatives ramen. But not eating his food would be a slap to his face. Not to mention having to let him know if I'll be home for dinner. Even though I do tell him that I'll be eating out with my friends I still come home to see food in the kitchen waiting for me. There's was one time I forgot to tell him that I went out to eat and then I came home and there was like this five course meal waiting for me so I just ate to not piss him off. Food's a big thing in my family. However I can say through out my life to this point I have never gone hungry. Saying that makes me guilty because I know some kid out there has it hard and doesn't get enough to eat, thus I should shut up. No matter what I feel like eating or not doesn't matter because there are people starving. Fuck. Why should I even care about other peoples' suffering? They're in their own rut and I'm in mine. If I fuckin' come home and I want to eat ramen I'm gonna eat ramen even if my father has created a ten course meal. I'm sick of augmenting myself to please people. I haven't pleased myself enough. More so I haven't even done enough for myself. It's still hard for me to say no and I still need a spine. I like to help people but now I think I'm helping people for the wrong reasons cause I feel more empty everytime. There hasn't been any satisfaction. I think I'm starting to learn the meaning of cut throat. At school there are so many dumb people. No one takes initiative and no one is sure of what they're suppose to do. I'm sure if another classmate and me didn't to and get ABS plastic for the PDA milling project no one would have gone and get it and everyone would have waited until the last minute to mill their PDA's. It's like they expect things to be done for them. Hell, I've went through many rolls of permacel because no body bought their own. I guess it's just as easy as saying no. I'm just gonna plain out lie and say I don't have permacel anymore. Next time I'm gonna do my projects when no one is around. Maybe I'll only help people who can help themselves. Nah, fuck that. I'm just gonna slit everyone's throats and make sure I pass the 32 review myself. I'm sure everyone will wait until the last minute to prepare for the review. I've started working on my presentation boards and gathering all my past projects and documenting every mock-up that I created. When shit hits the fan my boards and projects and portfolio will be up and I'll be sitting with my hohos and cola slurpee and laughing at them while they frantically setup the last minute. My father recently had a talk. He was worried about me. I worry my folks a lot. Partly I think it's because I'm 28 and going back to school and I don't have a steady job and no girlfriend. Thinking about it makes me feel like some kind of loser. On top of that my folks still think I'm fat. I can't win. But my father told me I lacked friends. Certain kind of friends. Friends I can benefit from. He said that most of my friends lacked this thing he called in Chinese called, "choong lik." I guess it's like motivation or the ability to strive for higher achievements. I guess he's right in a way. I do have friends that don't work. I have friends that don't have that ideal steady job. I have friends that can't find me a good job.....well, unless if I move to Texas. But maybe he is right. Maybe this whole unmotivation stuff is rubbing on me. I have friends but we don't do much but hang out and usually when we do go out we can't spend much. Maybe I need more bar friends. I need that balance. A balance of the insecure geeky friends that take no risk in doing things and the hardcore friends that dig into the deep carnal human desires. That's another thing. Embracing my human carnal desires. I think for the first parts of my life until I was about 22 maybe I was a, how do you say, kind of person that never liked to drink or hang out at bars or go clubbing. Stuff that a geek would never do. I would be locked up in my room in front of my computer shutting the outside world. But then I met people. People that I would probably consider a bad influence when I was younger, but I had fun with them and they taught me how to embrace my carnal human desires. It wasn't that bad. It's good to try stuff. I mean of course there's common sense and I would go as far as killing people or raping women or getting into fights or doing something really destructive. I think it's just that fear that has kept me from doing things like that. Fear that I want to try have some kind of perfect record in my life. But seeing things aren't so perfect and the only way to learn stuff is to sometimes do something and fuck up I'm sure stuff can't be that bad for me. Hmmm. Where has this rant gone off to. Quite a tangent I think. I was pissed off and I was gonna write about people who were so opinionated that they had to say something about something and make some point and have some kind of point to make for the sake of having a point that was really pointless. It's like religion I guess. If a person believes in something that's fine with me but if that person tries to shove their beliefs down my throat I'm gonna start shoving my cock down that person's throat and ejaculate my own beliefs.

[^o0Kynger0o^] - 1:15 AM PDT

Balance is key.

[^SEan^] - 3:14 PM PDT

Points for brevity!

[^Louis^] - 7:44 PM PDT

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