September 21, 2001 - Friday

Yay! Friday!!! ^^ So, I actually have my audition tonight, at around 9:50pm. I woke up with this imposing sense of dread, and I'm getting more and more nervous by the minute. I haven't been afraid to perform since I started college, but for some reason, auditions still scare the crap out of me. At my last one, I swear, the directors could hear my knees knocking, I was shaking that bad... And of course, it doesn't help that my last audition was horrible. I overacted soooo bad, it was disgusting. The thing is, my very first audition, I got called back for two different plays, and got into one of them. So, I have no clue what's going to happen... *sigh* Wish me luck...

[^e^] - 8:46 AM PDT

Speaking about getting in front of people to perform, I still get nervous when performing wushu forms in front of our teacher... as a result, I tend to over think everything and end up sucking massively =} *yawn* I'm sleeepy.

[^Young^] - 8:52 AM PDT

September 22, 2001 - Saturday

I'm in a real dilemma.. maybe someone out there can give me some advice. I still live with my folks. Not that it's a bad thing, I really love my folks. They're great people and rent in the bay area is awful. The problem is that my brother lives here too. And that he and the rest of my family seem to like to argue and that in order to end arguements, something has to change. None of them want to change.. so ultimately, it's always me. As a result, I always seem weak willed. Then they blame me for being weak willed and say "You should stand up for yourself!" And when I do they say "Oh, I meant to other people." I'd like to move out, but whenever I think about it, I realize my folks still need me. It's not possible for them to pay bills anymore without my aide and the aide of my brother. If I moved out, I would suffer too because I have to figure out how to not only make payments for a car, but survive rent in the Bay Area. And whenever I try to bring it up, they argue. And blame me, and thus, I feel the obligation to change again. I was doing perfectly fine when I lived on my own at USC during college.. without my folks. I know I can take care of myself.. it'd just be inconvienant because of the high cost of living in the bay area coupled with the guilt knowing my folks may not be able to scrape by. That and my parents always threaten me that they'll move back to Thailand and China if I ever move out because their sole reason for staying in the US is me and my brother. =-.-= What's a house cat to do when the home needs the cat as much as the cat needs the home?

[^Young^] - 1:21 PM PDT

Poor Young. Charybdis and Scylla indeed.

[^Louis^] - 4:00 PM PDT

September 23, 2001 - Sunday

Thanks for all the advice minna! I think I'll figure it out, but only in time.. Today, I went to a figure drawing marathon! It was very cool.. about hmm.. 10 different nude models =} It went for about 7 hour.. drawing 10 different models =} It was memorable for a few reasons. First, there were two cute girls who I sketched. =} One was a redhead, I never caught her name.. the other one is named Bonnie, whom I dubbed "cute fairy girl". She was nude most of the time, but for about half of it, she was wearing a pair of fairy wings. =} It was really cute =} That, and she smelled like cinnamon. Yes, I actually got close enough to be able to smell her. It was actually quite strong and I have a bit of a headache from it now. Anyway, I have a lot of good sketches from different angles.. I did sketches from about 1 foot away to about 10 feet away. =} The other reason why I think it was really memorable.. I got to draw nude guys! Ok, as sick as that sounds, I've never drawn nude guys before because almost ALL art books have nude girls in them. I did a lot of sketches of guys and I've "learned" to some degree how to draw guys better now. Yay me! Sometime I should scan in all the sketches I did.. they're composed mainly of cute fairy girl in the nude and a bunch of nude guys. Still, I had a lot of fun. I wonder if I can convince some other people to go next time.. it's quite a good learning experience, if you're not afraid to look at the nude form. =}

[^Young^] - 5:37 PM PDT

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