Wow, now that's some long rant. I read every bit of it though. I don't think I've ever seen "Fucker" used so much in one run on sentence before. But, I can completely relate.
I'll share a story so you're not all alone. =3
First year of college for me, a little scary, being a guy from a small town and all. Some of the people that went to my high school went to a few of the classes I had, so it wasn't that bad. And in my public speaking class there was a girl I knew through a friend of mine, though he and I drifted apart. Well they had been dating, and I had never really talked to her until that class and we hit it off really well. Eventually we started going out to eat after classes, and the next thing you know we're dating.
I was completely in love, head over heels. She was two years my senior, though that doesn't matter, and lived in my town. We did a ton of stuff together, her family even loved me and I felt completely at home and relaxed in their house, which was an odd, yet welcome, feeling for me. They felt like a second family to me. But anyway, suffice to say the entire situation was great.
After a month or two, though it seemed much longer, slowly things started happening to make me wonder about how she felt. Eventually the dreaded thing happened, she and I had a talk as I was heading out of the door for the night. I tended to hang out with her and her whole family, don't get any funny ideas here.. I'm waiting for marriage ^^; But anyway, she wanted to talk as I was heading out the door... the living room was dark and the kitchen light barely lit up our faces and the objects in the room enough to navigate and tell who was who. She broke up with me, then and there in the darkness. I can't remember if I was crying at that point or not, but she wouldn't have seen it anyway thanks to the ill lighting.
I'm surprised I made it home, though it was a short trip. I darted up the stairs to my room and flopped down on the bed, gradually soaking the pillows with tears and muffled questions that would go unanswered until years later. In the following days she called and persisted in talking to me despite I was really hurting. She wanted to remain friends and eventually she wore me down and I agreed. We made great friends and stayed that way for many years. I helped her through other boyfriends and fiancés. And one year she tells me something out of the blue from so many years ago... that back when we were dating, she was only doing it to try and make her ex, my friend, jealous.
Needless to say I wasn't very happy. I really can't remember how I took it in her presence, I don't think I really reacted at all. I had my suspicions already, and she just confirmed what I had thought for so many years. After getting to know someone that well over the years, you can pretty much predict what they'll do next.
Anyway, fast forward yet again to a year or so after that, and somewhat recently actually. It's 2002 sometime, I can't remember exactly when.. I think near the end of last school year. Her and I are getting close yet again, though in the more than friends sense. I really wanted to care for her as I once did, we went out like we used to, I was still hanging out at her house so that was the same, except we were cuddly this time around. But things were a bit uncertain for me, I wasn't sure really how I felt. I mean, now I know a ton more about a person, and have thought of them only as a friend for many years, and I know for a fact they can use people. If it wasn't for that last bit, I probably wouldn't have been so unsure about us dating again.. but I just couldn't get pass it. So, this time I had to ask for the talk, and after many weeks of trying to rekindle my feelings, they just weren't there.
I didn't want to lose the friendship of so many years, and I did what she did and called and insisted we stay friends, stopped by her house... etc. But she just wouldn't have it. Talk about double standard. She can play me like a fool, feel guilty and make me a friend... but when the tables end up turned she didn't want to stay friends.
Don't think I did this as some kind of twisted retribution. I was really trying to like her again, but there was just nothing there at all. She had become someone different over those years, very demanding of me. I had to be where she wanted, when she wanted, where she wanted, regardless of if I had anything I wanted to do. And she had been bitten by the marriage bug, thus my mentioning the fiancés earlier. So she was getting engaged a month or so after each boy friend, though never making it to the alter.
After all that.. I guess I really don't know if I had a point in it or not. I guess it's that some people just aren't right for you, no matter how hard you try for it, or want it. And some times friends really is friends, and there's no way you can change it, despite it really does suck a lot.
Also, I want to shoot a piece of advice out to the ladies reading this. Remember the next time you're crying on your guy-friend's shoulder, saying how you wish you could find someone nice to be with. What do you think he is? He's certainly been there for you every single time you've needed his shoulder unlike 99.9% of the guys you meet, give him some thought! You'd be surprised how easy life would be if you actually WENT for what you wanted, instead of trying to mould a BAD boy into a GOOD boy. You can't make a zebra change it's stripes, only teach it how to be a better actor.
And thanks for the good wishes Kynger!
But anyway, time to plug the Bachelor Sign up sheet!
The Application!
And the information about me Kynger's talking about can be viewed here:
About Jase
Wow.. I just ran spell check on that, and I didn't spell anything wrong! Go me!
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